'Don't worry about it me', is what i want to tell you. It's what I want to tell everyone. Not so that I can reassure them that everything will be fine and that there's nothing to worry about, but because I want them to sense that there is no hope anymore and nothing will change and that i'll be - we - should all be okay with it. You see, I know you check up on me because you want to help, because you care, but you know what Ive realised about people who want to help? They want to help because deep down inside they know they need help as well. We're all so eager to ask people 'are you okay' when we see them fall apart because we all know that feeling. And when we're in that situation ourselves, we hope that there'll be someone out there to check up on us too. But thats the thing about this world. We're all broken. We're all in despair. If you think about it, we're all falling. Some faster than others. But there are some that hold your hand during the fall. You're both falling anyway, why not offer a hand to hold on to right ? But sooner or later we let go of the help because at the end of the day, each of us are on our own journey of falling. There are only two states we exist in, in this human experience, and it's this: we're either endlessly falling in our hollow and empty void, or our voids temporarily close up and we are at rock bottom inside an empty pit. There would be a third state, one where there's light and freedom and peace, but it exists less and less. Most of the time our lives just channel across the plane of voids and empty pits, some days we're falling, spiralling into nothingness, other days we're stuck and its dark and cold and lonely. We're all in the same situation; you'd think we'd be a lot kinder to each other in a place like this, but the truth is - we can't see each other in the dark. We're only aware of ourselves. Of our feelings and thoughts and desires. It's scary but it's true. The reality we live in gets darker and darker every single day. And it's harder to accept help when we know we're all in danger anyway. Sometimes the only help we know to give is when we try to protect each other from our own darkness. It's ironic really. When someone says to you "i'm trying to distance myself because i don't want to hurt you again", but the distance hurts all the same. No matter what we do, we're just constantly hurting each other, because whether we see it or not our brokeness has created these sharp edges along our skin, our minds, our words. There is this thorn in our flesh that create cuts and wounds in everything that we do. We think this brokeness only hurts us, but reality speaks that we cut and bleed on the people closest to us too.
